Fear of growing up
We fear growing up because it isn't just about giving us the privilege of stepping forward but rather this scary leap into the unknown. For me, the fear of growing up has become a complicated mix of emotions, one taking not only in the responsibilities and expectations of becoming an adult but also how society reacts to such actions. Marriage, family, and the demands of life will line up for me, and I often ask myself if I am indeed ready for it all.
To me, one of the most frightening notions about the future is marriage. The thought of living with a man, sharing space, and ultimately learning to fill the needs of another person sends alarm bells ringing. I do not know whether I am yet ready to compromise on the freedom I have become accustomed to. There is something very liberating about my own routine, my own thoughts, my own space. Marriage, in my mind, represents a complete uprooting of that freedom.
And then there are all those inevitable questions with it: what after marriage? And children? The mere thought of having kids, another human life you are responsible for, is overwhelming. I'm not prepared to enter the less restful nights; endless caregiving; or help shape a tiny individual into maturity. More than that, I worry about all the sacrifices such roles call for-took time, energy, even identity. Will I lose myself in the process?
