How to Stop waiting for Someone’s Text
Always remember that a healthy connection with someone requires the balance between closeness and distance. Have you ever found yourself in this situation? You send someone a message, but he doesn’t reply. You start questioning everything:
Are they too busy? Am I just not important to them? Why am I always the first one to reach out? Did something go wrong?
These kinds of thoughts can drive one insane, but here’s something you should know.
Everyone around you — whether it’s friends, family, or even acquaintances — has other priorities in life that may not always include chatting to you. Now when you attempt calling these people, three things are likely to happen:
They respond you back right then and there, they respond you back later, which can even be several hours, days, or even weeks, or they simply do not respond you back at all.
Most of us expect the first one. Why? To start with, that’s how it used to be in relationships when we were younger. And we were constantly surrounded by friends, classmates, or teammates, and hence everyone was more close. The second point is that the revolution of the smartphone has made us expect responses to come in a jiffy because, literally, the means of communication is right at our fingers. But once the second and third outcomes occur, we forget all logic and give in to emotions. This moves one to an assumption that he is not interested, or something is wrong. This frustration can lead to desperate attempts to get their attention — sending more texts, making more calls, or even getting angry. Ironically, this behavior only pushes the other person further away, potentially resulting in them ghosting us, leaving us hurt and confused.
The thing is, what you are actually doing is seeking validation in their reply, which might be dangerous. In adult relationships, whoever that other person is, they will sometimes be there and ready to talk, while at other times they won’t. You cannot force an individual to answer your calls or texts immediately or as often as you would want, but they are living their lives. However, here’s the catch-if a person is willing to genuinely connect with you, they will return your call or message at their convenience.
Some advice
Learn how to give people space, no matter how intimate the relationship is. You shouldn’t make the person you love talking to feel like he or she is being pestered with non-stop messages or calls because that only makes them feel you are needy. And if they have already chosen to create distance, do not take offense. Do not fight over it. Continue living your life, maybe sometimes reaching out again. People love it when you respect their boundaries and do not over act over attention.
Be less reliant on your phone. Text or call when you need to, then carry on with your day. Don’t obsess over whether or not they’ve replied; the more time you spend obsessing about it, the more you rely on their response for validation. Instead, interact with people in person or through video calls. Face-to-face interactions are actually far more valuable because you see each other’s body language and emotions so much clearer. These also draw on points like leadership, confidence, and actual wanting to connect-things that people are naturally drawn to.
Finally, be busy with your own life. At the very least, keep working toward your personal goals and priorities and do your hobbies. Engage with people as additions to, rather than substitutions for, your life. People tend to gravitate towards well-rounded people who enjoy life. When you would appreciate other people’s time and attention, so will they. They’ll just come back when it’s in the right time.
Lastly, all the people around you have their own responsibilites and they will not necessarily be able to reach back to you immediately. That does not mean they don’t love you and are trying to disassociate themselves from you. Sometimes, life catches up with other people just like it catches up with everyone, but it is important to let go of the need to have people constantly validate your life.
Keep living your life, and those who have been distant will start returning into your life. In fact, it might be that time away makes future contact even more meaningful.
