Stop Gaslighting Yourself
Gaslighting is a recently discussed term in conversations related to mental health, emotional abuse, and interpersonal relationships. It refers to psychological manipulation in which one manipulates another individual into questioning their own feelings, perceptions, or memories. However, gaslighting can often be done by oneself without even realizing it rather than by others.
Self-gaslighting can have enduring repercussions on our self-esteem, mental well-being, and perception of reality. This article examines the concept of self-gaslighting, its underlying causes, methods for recognizing it, and actionable steps to prevent oneself from engaging in this behavior.
What Is Self-Gaslighting?
Self-gaslighting occurs when an individual denies their own feelings, thoughts, or experiences. This commonly presents as a form of internal dialogue involving statements or thoughts of being "over-sensitive," "too sensitive," or "imagining things." As such, over time, self-gaslighting erodes self-trust and fosters a reality distortion that complicates the human’s ability to connect with their authentic emotions or to successfully advocate for personal needs.
What are the causes of self-gaslighting?
There are various reasons why people start gaslighting themselves. Some include:
1. Internalized Criticism:
Many people, especially during their early life experiences, internalize the criticisms they receive from their peers. The more that people hear that their feelings are "incorrect" or "not real," the more such attitudes are likely to persist into adulthood.
2. Fear of Rejection:
Sometimes self-gaslighting acts as a means to prevent rejection. By diminishing or denouncing our feelings, we attempt to make ourselves as "least objectionable" as possible toward others, hoping this will make them like us or at least prevent conflict.
3. Perfectionism and High Expectations:
Individuals who maintain elevated standards for themselves frequently regard their emotions as insignificant or extraneous, perceiving them as impediments to productivity or achievement.
4. Self-Protection:
In certain situations, self-gaslighting becomes a way of coping to avoid facing unpleasant facts. For example, convincing oneself that they are "overreacting" is a way an individual may be trying to avoid the challenge or toxic nature of a relationship.
Signs of Self-Gaslighting
Self-gaslighting is subtle and has the following common signs:
1. Dismissing Your feelings
It means recognizing that the feelings one is experiencing are "too much," "not valid," or "not worthy of attention.
2. Questioning Your Memories or Experiences:
Frequently experiencing doubt regarding one's recollection of events, pondering the possibility, “Perhaps I am simply misremembering it.”
3. Excessive Apologizing
You often apologize for things that are not your fault or feel like you’re always responsible.
4. You’re "Too sensitive" or "Too emotional":
Calling yourself "overly emotional" rather than allowing yourself to feel and process feelings.
5. Blowing Things Out of Proportion or Good Qualities:
Telling yourself that your accomplishments "aren’t a big deal" or downplaying your positive attributes.
How to Cease Engaging in Self-Gaslighting
Self-gaslighting is often overcome with awareness, self-compassion, and new habits. Here are steps to start:
1. Acknowledge and admit the habit
The initial step in halting self-gaslighting involves recognizing when it occurs. It is essential to acknowledge each instance in which you find yourself invalidating your feelings or diminishing your experiences. Maintaining a journal may prove beneficial for documenting these occurrences and contemplating the underlying patterns.
2. Confront Negative Self-Dialogue
Once you get an understanding of self-gaslighting, then you can address them. If the automatic thought that occurs is "I am overreacting," ask yourself why you think this. Are there facts to support that idea, or is it a knee-jerk reaction to dismiss your feelings? Mindfulness practices can help you distance yourself from automatic thoughts.
3. Self-Validation Practice
Self-validation is the awareness that you are not judging your emotions. Let yourself feel without calling it "too much" or "bad." Try to say, "It’s all right to feel this way," or "My feelings are valid." Validating oneself can only lead to a healthier relationship with one’s emotions.
4. Set Limits
If you grew up in a critical environment, setting boundaries with others—and with yourself—is essential. Set boundaries around negative self-talk and commit to honoring your feelings, even if you’re tempted to dismiss them.
5. Seek Help when Needed
Overcoming self-gaslighting with one's own strength may be difficult because of how it can be rather deeply rooted. Dialogue with a therapist or counselor may provide the safe haven for exploring a cause for self-gaslighting as well as working with developing strategies for self-compassion and validation.
6. Foster Self-Compassion
Self-compassion entails extending to oneself the same kindness that one would offer to a friend. It is essential to substitute harsh self-judgments with understanding and patience. One should remember that being human involves experiencing a comprehensive spectrum of emotions, none of which render one “wrong” or “too sensitive.” 7. Celebrate Small Wins Recognizing progress in overcoming self-gaslighting can reinforce positive behavior. When you successfully validate your feelings or challenge a self-critical thought, acknowledge it. Celebrate these small wins as milestones in building a healthier self-relationship.
The Benefits of Stopping Self-Gaslighting
Freeing yourself from self-gaslighting can really enhance life. When you stop doubting or dismissing yourself, you gain greater confidence and emotional clarity. You may even find that your relationships are better because you feel more comfortable standing up for your needs. Also, self-trust and self-compassion lead to far more authentic decision-making, helping you live a life that really fits with your values and needs.
Conclusion
Interrupting self-gaslighting is a process, not a magic solution to be applied overnight. It requires patience, persistence, and readiness to challenge deep-seated perceptions. An acknowledgment of self-gaslighting and learning to respect one’s emotions can help an individual regain their reality and develop a more positive relationship towards themselves. Emotions should never be associated with shame or loss of one’s identity.
